If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
