Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
