Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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