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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My bed smells like the plague
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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