You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
