did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
