So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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