you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
