She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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