Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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