did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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