if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
