I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
