after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
