Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
