peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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