moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
