I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
