i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
