just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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