did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
