i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
porn star boner night. come get it.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
