There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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