Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
