I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
