WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
