She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
