I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
