i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
