I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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