If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You made out with two different species that night
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Never underestimate the power of titties
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize