Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
