What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
