haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
