It's like God shit irony all over that family
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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