Pants 0. Shit 1.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We need to get me chipped asap
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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