I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't deserve a penis
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
