Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize