just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
