Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
