THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
