he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
