you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
