Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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