Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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