have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
