When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
