dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
