Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
