chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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