Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
