are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
