So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
