walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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