I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The power of my boobs compel you
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
