I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
