Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
