i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
