dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
