he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
