We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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