Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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