I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
