My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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