Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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