I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
