How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
