Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize