I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
how drunk are you?
Several
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
