I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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