you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
