The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
