Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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