doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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